I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
