Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
