Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
