i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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