I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
