A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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