So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
