just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
