I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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