New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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