i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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