he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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