I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize