You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You pole danced in your parka.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
