she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
