Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
