Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
