I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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