i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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