I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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