just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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