Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
