Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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