She announced her abortion via fbk
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
