Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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