he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
