what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
