After last night, I could never be a politician.
Non-Jews are for practice
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
