I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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