I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize