You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
