I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
