just come out here and I will go home with you...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize