I wannas sexs uuuuu
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
