the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
