hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
