I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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