god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
