mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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