Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
