Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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