apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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