I'm so fucking centered right now
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
