She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
