my vag is so smooth its legendary
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
