She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
