he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
