im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
