I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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