i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
