the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
