I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
