When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
