Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
