I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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