i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
