Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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