I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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