I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
