Betty ford says i'm here all night
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
