I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
