My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My vagina is officially offended.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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