sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
two words: eviction party
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
