the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
