A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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